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AN OPEN LETTER TO FEMALES: WHY?

It’s is no surprise that females confuse men. There is a thriving industry teaching men how to decipher women. It is so thriving that you can pretend you know how to talk to women and make a decent living by helping men who are totally lost and confused which are most of them.

Women, I get it. You are socially adapted at such a young age and with greater frequency and variety of interactions than any male.

You are always surrounded by at least one person. And, almost always you’re talking and observing.

You have so much social interaction experience, normal interactions are boring for you. You have to spice things up with confusion to keep things interesting. To continue experimenting.

You’re on the cutting edges of social behavior. You can pick up the slightest incongruencies between someone’s words and behavior.

Whether you know it or not, you’re purposefully confusing. If you can make a man lose his shit before a date, he’s ousted. Forever. Put into the beta male category or, worse, considered dangerous and should be ignored.

In this open letter to women, I’ll be documenting my most mind-boggling interactions with females. Some common, some definitely not common. All thoroughly confusing. One honorable mention.

Long ago, I’ve learned it’s not a fruitful endeavor to ask a once-interested female why she is no longer interested for the same reason you wouldn’t expect a straight-forward answer from a hiring manager who denied you a job.

You’re no longer important to them and they gain nothing from giving you more information. There’s limited upside and unlimited downside for providing any further information.

What this causes is the reasonable man to not analyze and just try to be himself. Make changes, see how it works for the majority of women and proceed.

That sounds like a great effect, right?

I beg to differ.

I’ll ignore the fact that the above theory rarely works, instead, the effect it causes is men acting fake to attract women.

I understand that fundamentally, men and women live in two different worlds when it comes to social interaction.

Women are pursued and men are the pursuers.

Women get sexual attention from a very early age. Men do not.

For men, any single interaction with a woman holds quite a bit of importance as there are fewer of them. This can cause us to over-analyze any one interaction. For women, any single interaction holds very little importance because of the frequency they’re approached.

Below I’ve documented five instances in my life where I was and continue to be totally mind-fucked by the actions of a woman. I’ve ordered them from most intensely bizarre to mildly bizarre.

Please. Please. Offering up responses as comments is highly appreciated.

Case I: The Disappearing Act

In Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam I asked for directions from a girl on the street around 4pm. We formed a near-instant connection. I asked if she wanted to join me in the rest of my days activities. She said yes and we hung out for the next two hours.

It was all going great. It was exciting. We met on the street, randomly. How great! She’s attractive. I can tell my friends I met her in real life and not via tinder. At least this is what’s going through my head. I show her a secret arcade shop I found the prior week. She opens up to me about issues with her roommates.

Then, the bizarre happens.

We are walking by a pharmacy on the way to a supermarket when I tell her that I need to buy some toothpaste. We cross the street together, she is just behind me as we enter. I talk a few more steps and turn around. She’s not there.

She’s not inside the shop.

She’s not outside the shop.

She disappeared into thin air. Gone forever and without a trace. Why..

 

Case II: The Interested Flaker

In Moscow, Russia, I’m at a café with a friend. He points to the girl who just left and says she’s exactly my type. I decide to push my approach anxiety to the side and give it a go to meet her.

I reach her, say hello, she’s receptive and interested. She is offering up bits of information and conversational fuel. We exchange information and plan to meet in two days, on Wednesday evening at 8:30pm.

On Wednesday at 9pm, I receive a text informing me she cannot make it. However, she tells me that she hopes we can meet in the near future.

The following day, we set a date for that Friday evening at 6:30pm. On Friday at 5:30pm, I receive a message that she will not be showing up.

The following week, she asks if I’m available on Friday evening. I inquire as to the seriousness of the request (ie she’s already flaked twice, I need a bit more convincing to give up my Friday evening, again). She does not respond. (this is why first ‘why?’ questions. Why would she ask me if I am free to hang out to not respond to my reasonable question? Comment, please!)

A few days later, we set a date for that Wednesday at 6:30pm. At 5:30pm, she sends me a message confirming our meeting point and time.

I arrive and wait. She does not show up nor send me a message. However, she still follows me on Instagram and watches all my stories. I have never heard from her since. Why..

 

Case III: The Metro Stop Miss-Communication

I’m in Kiev, Ukraine. It’s incredibly hard to meet women. Things move slow, if they move at all. I’m getting desperate. Luckily, there are gorgeous women all over the place. Only problem is none are interested in me. I start taking more chances.

I see a girl near my house one Monday afternoon, but we’re walking on the opposite sides of the street and in opposite directions. She’s walking fast. I decide to go for it. I cross the street. My heart is racing. I finally reach her.

She speaks no English. I speak a little Russian. The interaction is positive. She lives nearby. We exchange Instagram and subsequent messages. A few days later we decide to meet. Now, stay with me here (I’m translating our Instagram conversation from Russian to English and simplifying when necessary. My messages are in bold):

12:02pm: Hello, good afternoon

12:12pm: Hello, how are you?

12:24pm: Super. I think we should find a time to meet.

12:45pm: Yes, we should

2:20pm: In fact, a little later today I’m free. Can we meet at 6:30pm?

2:41pm: 7:30pm

2:56pm: Ok. Let’s meet here (I sent the location)

3:09pm: Maybe near the Golden Gate Metro? (she further specified the location where to meet)

3:36pm: Ok.

– – –

7:28pm: Hi, send me a photo of what you’re wearing (she does not respond for 14 minutes)

7:42pm: Where are you?

7:43pm: I was there, but I left because I thought you would not come.

7:43pm: Ok. (this answer quite confused me. Just ok? You got ready and are here and all you have to say is ok…)

7:43pm: I’ll go back. I’m just around the corner. What are you wearing?

7:45pm: I already left. I waited 15 minutes.

7:46pm: I sent you a message 15 minutes ago

7:47pm: I have just arrived. I’ll wait by the subway entrance.

7:51pm: Hello?

7:55pm: I have already left and am far.

In summary. I texted her 2 minutes before our supposed date meeting time. She responded 14 minutes later saying that she was waiting for 15 minutes. So, she was waiting for 15 minutes and not checking her phone? Was she even there? Seems odd that she would coordinate a date and suggest a time just to not show up. If she did show up, she gave up quite quickly even though I was there. The place is not large. Maybe she never came. Maybe she realized she wasn’t interested. Maybe she’s a bold-faced liar. Why…

 

Case IV: The Protein Shop Fairytale

In Almaty, Kazakhstan while buying some protein supplements, I notice the cute cashier. Actually, it’s the second time I was there. The first time we briefly exchanged a few words. She speaks English. I start a conversation with her again.

On my way out, I ask her who the person is in all the images hanging on the wall. She tells me it’s the owner and he’s really cute. Unprovoked, she tells me that I’m cuter. After a few more words, I suggest we exchange contact information. She provides her number.

I message a few hours later. She reads the message. She does not respond.

A few days later I invite her to join me on an activity. She reads the message. She does not respond.

I go into the supplement shop a week later to purchase more items and she is there and seemingly friendly. I message her later that day. She provides a curt response indicating non-interest. Why…

 

Case V: The Instagram Groupie

The all-too-common scenario when you exchange contact information with a girl (whether that be from Instagram, Tinder, real life) including following each other on Instagram. She watches your videos and likes your photos, but when you message, she does not respond. Why..

 

Honorable Mention: The Sexy Shopper In Pink

I’m in Medellin, Colombia. For a change, the girls here actually like me. This gives me extra confidence. I see a girl in a workout outfit at the shopping mall while I’m with my friend. I stop in my tracks and stare. She makes a turn up the stairs. I go after her.

At the top of the stairs we start talking. She’s got an incredible body wearing only short-shorts and a sports bra. The interaction is positive.

I tell her that I’m shopping for a new wardrobe with my friend and ask if she’d like to join. She accepts. We find my friend and continue shopping. She stays with us and we flirt for the next 45 minutes or so until she says she has to go. I suggest we exchange contact information.

I get her number and text her to which she responded ‘Ajajjajjajajjajajajajajajaja’ (in Spanish, jaja is haha). She asks for my Instagram. I send my username.

After two days, no follow request. On the third day, I ask if she found me. From here, the conversation gets laborious.

I didn’t say enough to have said something she didn’t like. I suppose she didn’t like my Instagram account? I admit that maybe I look like a douchebag, but that seems quite absurd after having met me in person, right? Why..

 

Conclusion

What if each of these women told me the reason why they lost interest?

I see it both ways. On one hand, they don’t and that leads most men to just be themselves and forget about it (kind of, as mentioned above).

But, at the same time, what if you could significantly improve that man’s quality of life by offering up some valuable information he can use in his future interactions? Maybe something he’s not even conscious of, but would like to change if he knew. That’s a win-win for both parties.

For example, I was at a language exchange last night in Moscow and I came into contact with a close talker. This guy put his face so close to me during the conversation that little spit particles would go directly into my mouth had I not bent back at a 45-degree angle while talking with him.

I believe he was unaware of his behavior. And, I’m sure he would like to know that he is making people uncomfortable and if he changes this one tiny little nuance that his conversation quality would skyrocket.

Do you think this guy wants to know that he makes people uncomfortable by talking that close and thus change his behavior which is better for everyone? I think so. It’s a win-win.

So, I make a plea. Let’s agree to give this man the information he deserves: “Hey, I feel you’re a little too close to me. I’m enjoying our conversation, but I’m going to take a step back because it will make me feel more comfortable.”

Sounds crazy to say that, right? It is. And, it’s hard. It’s very, very hard to look someone in the eye and tell them exactly what they need to hear.

“You have something stuck in your teeth.”

“Your breath smells today.”

But you level-up by doing so.

Women, the next time you lose interest in a man, I plead with you to tell him. Even if it’s just a simple “I’m not interested.”

P.S. I have to give a shout-out to the Eastern-European countries right about now. More than anywhere else in the world, the women do an incredible job of telling you how it is. I heard all of the following denials: “You seem boring via text. I don’t want to meet you.” “I don’t want your mentality – I feel we’re different.” “I’m not attracted to you.” “You invited me to your place too soon.” “I don’t like your too-cool attitude.” They all hurt. Every single one of them because they were from girls who I was interested in. But, I’m happy to have received them than the norm: silence…..

Support Me ⇒

Danny Rusteen

In 2015, Danny got fired from Airbnb. Just two years later, he started two successful businesses and wrote a best-selling book. Since then, he's become a bodybuilding, location-independent, minimalist traveling the world while living in Airbnbs. He describes himself as a skeptic, contrarian, and expert cuddler. In his spare time he reads, cooks, and plays basketball. Follow his journey on Instagram or YouTube.

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