The Natural
Book review of The Natural by Richard La Ruina.
booboo real-time book rating: ★★★★☆ (percentage of books with this rating: 34%)
The summary is below. First, an important note for any dating/pickup book.
Who is Richard La Ruina?
It’s a good book. Let me start with that. One of the better ones I’ve read on this topic. However, something that I’ve learned recently is to know your author and where they came from because that will help you understand where the strategies are coming from and whether or not they will work for you. Said differently, a socially awkward man shouldn’t be learning pickup from Bad Pitt.
So, who is Richard La Ruina? And, why is that important?
Easily enough, Richard tells you in the book that he is/was a loser (I suppose like many reading these books). He wasn’t good with women, not popular, etc. Kind of the generic loser type. I make no judgments. Bill Gates was a loser. Steve Jobs, too. I was, too.
You are reading my book review and summary by Richard La Ruina. Be sure to check out my digital bookshelf for 100+ book summaries.
Why does all this matter?
Take Mystery and Style, for example. They are similar, in terms of personality, to La Ruina. They are losers. Again, I mean that in the nicest possible way. So they had to develop game for this persona (if they were an extroverted meathead bodybuilder, they’d have different strategies for attracting women). And this persona is true for the vast majority of men. Most men are not naturals. Most men are not naturally attractive. But when the author says things like “anything that puts the conversational pressure on the girl you’re interested in is something that she could use as an excuse to end the interaction”:
At this point in my experience, I read much more than the words in that sentence. I read that the author’s game is for someone who wants to come in under the radar, someone who the girl isn’t going to find attractive right away, someone who needs more time to DHV. That’s fine. But, what if you’re not that? What if you’re a handsome, socially comfortable guy? Then the girl probably wants you to stick around from the outset. She probably feels special just by the fact that you’re paying attention to her. If that is true, then this would be the wrong strategy for you. It would be inconsistent with who you are, and she’d notice. It would probably come off as being unconfident or ungeniune.
So, what if you’re the attractive guy and the girl seems like she wants to end the interaction? It would mean that the girl just isn’t interested. If you’re a good-looking and confident guy, and a girl expresses nervousness or clearly wants to exit, you should not continue talking. You should be socially intelligent and know when to end the conversation. However, if you’re good-looking and doing things right, the girl probably isn’t looking for a reason to end the conversation, unless she’s late for something important, her grandmother is deathly ill, she’s depressed, etc. Something super important.
The Natural Seduction Process
“You being with ‘Mr. Sociable’ upon the initial approach. After you’ve ‘gotten in’ with the girl, you transition to a character I call ‘Mr. Comfort; finally, you transition to ‘Mr. Seducer’ when the time is right for you to start leading things toward the bedroom.” (p. 47)
Skills of Mr. Sociable:
“To hold people’s attention, you can use a few non-verbal techniques. First, hold eye contact. If it’s one girl, keep a good amount of eye contact; if it’s a group, spread the eye contact around, directing it especially to any person who seems to be losing interest. Second, use gestures. When you gesture, it catches the eye and is a great way to keep attention focused on you. Third, be expressive. If you have a poker face, people won’t feel called to look at you. Fourth, vary the tone of your voice, using pauses and different pacing.” (p. 50)
Skills of Mr. Seducer:
Don’t be afraid to reveal your desire. Slow down the rate at which you speak. Add pauses while still holding eye contact, especially in the middle of sentences. Introduce touching and physicality with more frequency and intimacy. Reduce movement and make sure any body movement, gestures, and touches fit with the slow, smooth, seductive rhythm.
High-Status Behaviors
- A strong sense of self-belief
- The author suggests affirmations and getting yourself into a positive state of mind
- A strong physical presence
- feet slightly wider than usual; don’t fidget your fingers, hands, or arms; don’t look down (to the side if better), and maintenance soft eye contact; slow head movements; take up space with gestures, while sitting, or dancing
- The ability and willingness to leave and make decisions
- “There is a little loophole in human psychology: whoever is the most certain wins.” (p. 31)
- “..if you want to make your statement more persuasive, add the word ‘because’ and then just about any reason, and people will been more readily comply with your suggestions – for example, ‘Let’s go to hat diner around the corner because they have the best burgers.’)” (p. 32)
- To maintain status with a woman: don’t ask lot of questions when facing a decision together; don’t give her the decision making power, instead give her the option to accept your decision; don’t seek approval; lead (if you’re hungry, you eat. If you’re thirty, you drink)
- A cool, calm, and collected demeanor in high-pressure situations.
- There’s a reason why minimum-wage bartenders do well with women: they are comfortable in the environment, comfortable interacting with beautiful women, comfortable in their own skin
- Social intelligence (the ability to. connect and communicate with others)
- Comforatble in all social scenes and dresses well
Small Talk
One of the bigger tips I’ve received at this point is in the area of “small talk”. I find there are three levels in life for everything. Poor, middle class, rich. Young, adult, old. Ugly, average, attractive. Etc. La Ruina introduced me to the three levels in conversation in terms of linking ideas. Let me explain with an example. Often, I live in Spanish-speaking areas, and people frequently ask where I’m from. If she tells me she’s from Argentina, that is a piece of information I can build a conversation on.
Level 1 – Not referring to it or being negative on the point.
Level 2 – Relate the point to your own experience. What I usually do is say that my Spanish teacher is from Argentina and say a few words with an Argentinian accent.
Level 3 (the gold standard) – Positively connect the link while talking about her. Put yourself in her shoes, in her reality. That’s a soothing accent. I bet it’s a bit difficult for you to transition to the Spanish accent. I heard they call ‘almuerzo’ comida and ‘cuadra’ manzana. OR, a little more risque…Neat, but you don’t look like it. I heard Argentinian girls aren’t so attractive or are really tall/short (if she’s not).
For more on conversational creativity, see my blog: How to Inject Creativity in your Conversations
This blog will contain both my summary and review of the book The Natural.
On Being Shy
“I have a theory that people become shy because they’re worried about exposing their weaknesses to others. They are scared of being perceived as ugly, or having a silly voice, or being poor, or whatever else. So they do little and say less so that they aren’t found out. Someone who is content with himself will not be reticent to put himself out there and won’t react as much if tested.” (p. 37)
How to get into an exclusive club?
Richard La Ruina has four strategies:
- Go up to the clipboard girl, say a name and you are their plus one, while she’s looking for the name, you look at her clipboard. When she can’t find you, go make a call, come back and give the name you just read from the list.
- See if you can pretend to be on the phone and get behind he clipboard girl to read a name from the list.
- Buy a highlighter or something these clubs use to mark when a guest leaves to have a cigarette and make the same mark on your hand, or get someone to rub off their stamp on you.
- Get in line, wait until you’r near the front, ask someone in line to hold your spot, go back in the line and pretend to know someone “omg, Matt, right? what’s up? When the ysay they’re not Matt, ask for their name, say you swear you know them. What’s their last name? And use their name to get into the club.
“Women are attracted to the unexpected.” (p. 84)
Other Dating Tips from The Natural
Nonverbal openers: “When you’ve made eye contact with the girl, proviek a response from her by doing something along these lines: pointing at her; waving; raising your glass; making a funny face; poking your tongue out.” (p. 59)
Body language for opening: “When you’re opening, your feet should be pointing away from the girl; only your face should be pointing toward her. By adopting this posture, you can comfortably get close enough to touch, but the interaction isn’t as locked in and you aren’t invading her personal space. To ‘eject’ – to remove yourself from the interaction – you’d just have to turn your head and not face her anymore. I think most people respond well to being ‘opened’ this way, because they’ve probably already had many short, innocent interactions similar to this prior to your making your move.” (p. 64)
Direct versus indirect: “I suggest you use direct game when you’re getting a clear sign of interest. If you’re not quite sure, take the indirect route.” (p. 70)
Online Dating
Instead of talking about you in your profile, like everyone else does, talk about her.
Did you know I’m an author? I wrote four books on real estate investing, travel, and language learning.
My Criticism of The Natural
I read an interesting sentence towards the end of the book. “If you arrange to meet a girl for lunch or in a coffee shop in the daytime, your first date clearly ins’t going to end up in the bed.” (p. 163)
Why not? I prefer afternoon dates. I have had numerous lunch or coffee dates end up in my bed, mostly recently when I was in Cebu, Philippines.
New Words!
Thanks for visiting and thanks to Richard La Ruina for writing The Natural!
Date Started: Saturday, January 22, 2022
Date Finished: Wednesday, April 23, 2025 (1,188 days)
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