The Ultimate Online Dating Manual

Welcome to my The Ultimate Online Dating Manual book summary!

One-Sentence-Summary: A comprehensive guide to the world of online dating written by a self-proclaimed expert who’s used popular dating sites like Tinder and Bumble to obscure ones like Skout and Seeking for sugar daddy game.

I’m currently reading The Ultimate Online Dating Manual by Black Dragon. Current page: 264

booboo real-time book rating: ★★★★★ (percentage of books with this rating: 8%) – The reason this somewhat dated book gets 5-stars is because of the author’s advice on how to write the profile text, which has netted me many compliments and comments.

The author begins and ends the book with a brilliant, obvious yet forgotten piece of online dating advice.

“The entire point of the online dating process is to accomplish these two things, and only these two things:

  1. Schedule first dates.
  2. Make sure they actually happen.”

The author’s three-exchange rule states that you should invite the girl on a date in the third interaction unless you are 10+ years older than her. This is coming just after I updated my profile with the author’s tips, noting an uptick in profile activating and having a lovely, multi-day conversation with a girl, only for her to tell me that she had left the city and doesn’t know when she’ll be back.

Great conversation aside, I’m not going to fight for this women. She’s probably not the one. I don’t know here, not with at least one date in real life. So that experience was, at the end of the day, wasted time.

This is a great book so far but it reminds me of reading The Alabaster Girl and my comments on knowing your author. You cannot know your author here because he is writing anonymously, and his website seems to no longer work. The author appears to make valid points, but we can’t be sure of his results. We have no idea. Don’t assume this man is an expert and getting what you imagine to be 10s. I’d say that’s more likely to be false than true.

For example, the three-message rule. I know, as you may as well, that some girls, oftentimes the really hot ones, would be unlikely to accept a date after only three interactions. After all, they have a ton of attractive guys messaging them who need to separate themselves probably in the message. Just some words of caution and skepticism..

Regardelss of the above, there are a ton of useful tips here on everything online dating. It’s a book to optimize your entire online dating experience.

Best Day of Week To Go On First Date?

Midweek just after work. Secondary days are Satruday afternoon or Sunday.

How To Ask A Woman On A Date Online?

Use the phrase ‘we should meet up’ when asking her out. Or, you can say ‘You seem safe (: Let’s meet up.’ But whatever you do, never ask. Would you like to meet up? Are you free next week to meet me?

I’ve updated my profile description on two sites based on advice from this book and have already gotten numerous messages from girls complimenting those changes. I cannot share it with you here, sorry, that’s my secret 🙂

Best times and days to send messages? Weekday evenings from 4-6pm and Saturday mornings and early afternoons. Sunday and Monday are the best days of the week. Personally, I have noticed in highly populated cities, you could get a same night Friday date messaging a bit later that evening if the girl’s plan fell through although the author days Friday evenings are the worst.

One note about online openers, which the author would agree with: great openers will increase the response rate but will not effect your success. Your profile photos matter much more. Don’t stress too much about the opener. Think about it. If you got a really awesome message from a fat girl, you would be more likely to respond to that first message, but not much more than that. Same with girls in this case. They’d be responding to you because they’re entertained by the message, not necessarily attracted to you for a date.

How to construct the ideal opener

  1. No physical compliments
  2. Any compliment should be vague
  3. Nothing sexual (unless explicitly looking for DTF girl, but these girls typically aren’t the best)
  4. Four short sentences; one ortwo is better.
  5. Do not say anything like ‘looking forward to hearing back from you’
  6. Should imply that you won’t contact her a second time, unless she replies
  7. If your profile shows more like a jerky, opener should be sweet
  8. Sign your opener with your initial or first name
  9. User her first name, or profile name (unless it’s really awkward)
  10. No grammar or spelling errors (I would disagree with this. Adding in a small error I believe makes you seem busy which is the persona I’m conveying).

This blog will contain both my summary and review of the book The Ultimate Online Dating Manual.

Time Is Your Enemy

Keep this in mind alwasy with online dating. If you’re a guy, you might have a spreasheet or notepad in your phone organizng the girls. You may even save them with some notes into your contacts, or save their name with additional information. Girls don’t do this. You’re literally a nobody for them, or even worse. One of a million. They don’t keep notes, they don’t do any of that. They go with the flow. Whoever was the last guy to ask them on a date? Ask for their phone number? They’re likely not eve digging far down thei inbox to answer more than a few guys. You need to move from talking to real life ASAP. Fact: The longer the time between connection online and date, the less likely you are to meet up.

Even if, let’s say, she has a trip this week and will not be back until one week from tomorrow. No fault of her own, or yours. But the fact of the universe says that given the time delay, your chances of meeting up with her have plummeted. If nothing changes about this story except that trip, and thus the date going from tomorrow to a week from today, the tomorrow date will happen at a much, much higher frequency.

As I read the book, you will find my in-progress The Ultimate Online Dating Manual review and book summary notes below.

What To Text Before The Date?

If you’re like me, pre-date communication is your worst nightmare. This book proposes that you have a short, meaningful text or phone conversation of 15-30 minutes halfway between when you schedule the date and the date happens. Remember, from online to first-date should be as short as possible but no more than really a week out. If the date is six days from when you scheduled it, then have the pre-date conversation three day prior to the date. Also, you’ll want to exchange social media with her so she feels more comfortable (“Hey, are you on Instagram?”)

If the woman is very young or very nervous, you can send her your online blog or website, if you have one.

Other pre-date communication tips:

  • Make her laugh (read my summary on How To Write Funny)
  • Find commonalities
  • Let her do most of the talking
  • Ask questions, but
  • Do not ask boring questions
  • If you have the confidence, move the conversation to the topics of dating, men, and sex

You are reading my book review and summary by Black Dragon. Be sure to check out my digital bookshelf for 100+ book summaries.

How To Confirm A Date?

The last step in the pre-date process is to contact her the day before the first date, or the morning of. “Hey! You still good today at 6pm?” That’s enough. If she’s very young, a test one hour before the date is a good idea. Many women don’t use a calendar and so you’re relying on her memory alone.

Did you know I’m an author? I wrote four books on real estate investing, travel, and language learning.

Dealing with Flakes and Reschedules

Even the author says his flake rate from online dating, at his expert level, is 35%. When it happens, when it happens, be cool and calm. Always have equally awesome backup plans whether that be with yourself or friends. Whenever women have canceled on me, I realized this years ago, I turned it into a productive time. Over the decades, that’s meant to build d my net worth and it’s partly why I’m rich nowadays. Tell her it’s no problem, and reschedule it right then. If she cannot, tell her you’ll contact her tomorrow, or in a few days to reschedule.

If she cancels or rescheduled a second time, now we have a problem. Communicate to her that you are concerned about her inability to manager her own schedule, that your time (just like hers) is valuable, that you want to see her again, but if she schedules something with you again, you’d expect her to stick to it.

A third flake, drop her. “She’s either a moron who can’t manage a schedule or she’s going through a rough time.” (p. 184)

If she doesn’t want to reschedule, drop her, but always be cordial. That’s worth stating, even though it’s obvious. When emotions and your ego get involved, you don’t think straight. You can contact her in 3-4 months and even sometimes, she will contact you, but only if you’ve been cordial.

The author says that Instagram is not for opening girls, but I disagree. The author says the same thing about Facebook, but I’ve heard guys who’ve dated from there and even Facebook has added a Date feature which is partly why this book is somewhat dated.

Another big reason this book is showing it’s age is with the following sentence on page 244: “I will tell you with complete honesty that I have encountered more women online who look better than their photos.” Well, this ain’t true in 2020 and onwards and only getting worse. I think this book was published in 2015.

Thanks for visiting and thanks to Black Dragon for writing The Ultimate Online Dating Manual!

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