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Setting The Record Straight: Men Pursue Women. Women Are Pursued.

 Introduction: Give Men Credit

Ladies, when’s the last time you started the initial conversation with a random guy you were interested in?

Ladies, give me credit, goddammit! Approaching you is the hardest (and most rewarding) thing I’ve ever done in my life. At the very least you can acknowledge this and give me credit for trying. Men pursue women.

But, no. I often hear the opposite.

That’s sexist! Machismo! Misogynist! Women pursue nowadays!

No. They do not. Let me be very clear: women do not pursue. I’m talking, specifically, about the initial interaction to get things started. And, I’m talking about real life.

Yes, you may have acted as a mild pursuer at one point in your life. It’s even more likely you have a friend who pursues more actively. I’ll address what this means about your friend below. In general (99%+ of time) men are pursuing and women are pursued.

These are my experiences. But, I believe that my experiences are true for the vast majority of men in all parts of our planet, all countries.

The Three Levels Of Men

For this article’s purposes, there are three classes of men on our Earth.

Level One are the ugliest of men, physically speaking. The men who simply got unlucky with regards to physical genetics. They’re just ugly. We all have our strong and weak attributes and for this class, attractiveness is a very weak attribute. 25% of men fall into this Level.

Level Two is where I’m at. We’re more or less average looking. Some of us focus on our attractiveness and bring it up slightly, some don’t. A woman looks at you and the majority of them are not stunned by immediate attraction, though some are. I’d say 70% of men belong to this category.

Level Three are the dudes who are very attractive. Every girl notices them. They have never had issues with attracting women. They’re the right height, the right eye color, the right build, the right smile, the right complexion. Needless to say, you don’t want to take dating advice from this guy. They make up about 5% of the male population.

Level One men have to pursue 100% of the time and with greater effort than the other Levels. They don’t experience one-night stands. Women don’t want that with them. A lot of pickup artists belong to this class. They have to manipulate women into feeling attraction. (note: I have nothing wrong with the pickup community. In fact, I consider myself part of it.).

They come in below the radar and discreetly build attraction. If this class of gentlemen went direct and told a woman she’s beautiful, she would think he’s creepy. It would not work. If the Level Three man did the exact same thing, it’s much more likely she would be honored.

The Level Two man has to pursue the great majority of the time. Every now and then the woman will be attracted to him so greatly that he does not have to pursue to such an extent.

I need to make a point to clarification. When I’m referring to women in this article, I’m referring to physically above average looking women. Level One women will have to pursue sometimes unless they want to settle with someone about their attractiveness level or below. A lot of people settle because it’s easier and comfortable if your partner isn’t gorgeous. We’re a jealous and possessive species.

The Level Three men still have to pursue most of the time, but the girls make it a lot easier on them. The Level Three man gets away with more. Where the girl may ghost a Level One or Two man for a similar action, she gives the Level Three man the benefit of the doubt. Women are more open to one-night stands, and they get pursued a bit more because almost all women are less attractive, comparatively, than them. (another note: one-night stands are not the goal, I’m only mentioning this as a contrast between the “Levels”.)

Now, if you’re a woman reading this and already thinking this is bullshit I challenge you to continue reading with an open mind. If not, please leave a comment. I’m eager to know your thoughts. Seriously.

Some women pursue, sure. Probably, you’ve pursued the Level Three man. Disclaimer: I’m really going to piss you off if I hadn’t already. If you’re thinking that either you or someone you know pursues, chances are that you are or that someone you know is not overly attractive (or trans). Attractive girls do not pursue men. Period. The more attractive she is, the less she pursues. Men pursue women.

men pursue women dating article

Women: “I never make the first move”

You’ll hear this often from a woman: “I never make the first move.” While that’s relating to the actual first words spoken, any interaction with the same man can be considered a first until she has crossed the connection threshold, a time when she realizes that she enjoys his company. Sometimes, this is simply after the first sexual encounter.

I get it. Rejection is tough. It’s incredibly tough and even more for women who are supposed to be doing the rejecting, at least at first. Throw on top of that societal norms and women just won’t pursue or even be mistaken for pursuing.

Not only do women not pursue, but they’ll ensure they are not confused for leading the interaction in any way.

Recently, I matched with a girl on Bumble. Bumble is a dating application where the women have to send the first message to get the conversation going, but it’s optional. This match sent me a message and I responded. It was later in the evening and I’m not one to make plans with a girl the same day I match so I let the conversation trail off.

We lightly continued the conversation for the next few days until I noticed her location was far from where we match. Turns out she was leaving the next day. I don’t know that. She did. She sent the first message. Maybe she just wanted someone to keep her occupied? I would have thought she’d give me a hint that she is leaving tomorrow. This is a dating app after all.

When I asked her about this, she told me that I didn’t ask her to meet. Ok. That’s correct. The point is she, like most women, are so far removed from making the first move that she was not going to tell me that it was her last night. It had to happen organically and by chance.

You know what you’ll never ever hear from a man “I never make the first move.” They make the second, third, fourth, fifth, six, and seventh moves, too.

Ladies, I think I’m not giving you enough credit. Sometimes you will make it easier for the guy to make the first move.

Once I was in Buenos Aires at a language exchange and I noticed a girl quite close to me. So close it would have been rude of me not to say hello. I viewed her as a friend and made it a point not to flirt with her. We exchanged contact information. It turned out she liked me and even tried to kiss me when we hung out a few days later. There are very specific reasons why she felt she had to make it easy for me to meet her and to make the first move to kiss me, as briefly discussed above.

If a Level Three man wrote this article, it’d sound a whole lot different! They’d say “man, I always heard men have to go after the women, but times have changed big time! Women really do pursue just as much as men nowadays!” For them, that’s probably an accurate statement. I wouldn’t know. Men pursue women.

A Story Of The Level Two Man

All I know is that for me, the majority of women I have had relationships with takes a massive amount of energy on my part, sometimes over months. And the vast, vast, vast majority of women I pursue are simply uninterested. The only reason why this isn’t tremendously sad is that I believe it’s common. Level Two men, can you confirm this in the comments?

This takes an enormous amount of mental fortitude. I’d say that 95% of women I pursue nothing ever happens. Said differently, one in twenty women who I’m interested in, are also interested in me.

Let me paint a clearer picture of what this looks like in my life. On a recent 7-day trip to Miami Beach, the following are all the interactions I had with women. Because I travel so often, I’ve learned how to start conversations and meet people, both men and women. For me, starting a conversation with a woman does not mean I want something physical. In fact, most of the time, it means friendship. However, they don’t know that so the below interactions, from the woman’s perspective, is that I’m interested in something physical with them.

  • I met two girls at the gym. I approached both. Both were friendly and we had brief conversations. I got the Instagram accounts of each. One said that because I was there only for a week she did not want to meet (fair enough). The other did not respond to my message.
  • I met a server at the restaurant during one lunch. She gave me her number after talking in Spanish about Colombia. We never met. In this case, I wasn’t too interested and let the conversation die (note: she made zero attempts to pursue, but did respond to my messages).
  • I met a girl at the outdoor gym (which is awesome, by the way). She even suggested a meetup and asked for my Instagram only to not respond until two days later telling me about her boyfriend. This was extremely odd behavior. I tried to get clarification, but she ghosted me.
  • I used both Tinder and Bumble. I got matches and a few numbers. Some never responded to even my first text message. I did not meet up with any (again, only being here a week, I did not want to spend too much effort doing this and there was no pursuing from any of the girls).
  • I sent messages to 30 Instagram account. Five responded with at least one message, but no real interest and most conversations died as soon as they started. No meetups.
  • I met a woman on the beach who turned out to be a mom of three children. An interesting conversation, but nothing came of it.
  • I saw a gorgeous Latina on the street and attempted to chat with her, but she showed almost no interest and the interaction lasted for less than 10 seconds.
  • I approached an Asian girl on the street who didn’t even bother to take out her earbuds and barely glanced my way.
  • I met a black girl with her two friends at the grocery store. She seemed genuinely interested and we exchanged numbers at the suggestion of her friend. She did not respond to my initial text message.
  • I met an Asian girl on the street walking her dog. She had a boyfriend.
  • I approached a cute girl with her mom at the grocery store. Short conversation, but uninterested.
  • My final night, I went salsa dancing and one of the girls was interested in me due to no direct action on my part. She left with me when I told her I was going home, but physically I was not interested and we went our separate ways.

 

This was all in one week. You can see how much effort is expended to find and meet a woman who is interested.

With this depiction, I wanted to demonstrate the amount of dedication, time, and energy required for me, your Level Two man, to meet a woman who I view as equal to or above my own physical attractiveness. Men pursue women.

Men Pursue Women: Instagram

I used to only meet women through Tinder with the occasional exception at a bar. Nowadays, I use Tinder, but also Instagram and I meet women during the normal process of my life (referred to as “daygame”).

Let’s take Instagram, for example. Of 100 messages I send out, depending on the country, I may get responses from 10-30 of them. But the conversation ends there for all but one or two, if I don’t continually pursue. The vast majority of the time, it does not work out. But when it does, it wouldn’t be uncommon to have a conversation with her for 3 months before we see each other in real life.

That surprises me…kind of. On Instagram (as opposed to Tinder or daygame) the girl can see a lot about me.

In addition to how I look, she can see that I’m an author, a business owner, my hobbies, the places I’ve visited, and my friends.

I would argue that many aspects of my life are above average. I’m fortunate. I travel often. I run a successful business that allows me to do fun things like skydive in Dubai or Scubadive in Australia. It would be my assumption that this would allow for a bit of interest from most women. I’m sure it helps. But the thing that really matters is my physical attractiveness.

There’s a LOT of assumptions in this article. Tell me, where did I go wrong? Do men pursue women? I’m very eager to read your reactions.

The next article in this series is titled “Are Women Good At Deciding Who To Date?

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50 Comments

  1. Great article man, and I completely agree. I’d call myself a level 2 man as well. Your stories are definitely relatable. A few of my friends are level 3 and the rules for them are completely different which tends to create a feedback loop of confidence and entitlement (which is extremely intoxicating for most girls)

    An interesting thing however is that for both my level 3 friends (and I’m suspicious this may be the case for many level 3’s) is that level 3 was self-created through optimising everything in their power.

    What I mean is this – most of what makes a man appear a level 3 to girls is achievable by a level 2 but probably not by a level 1 (apart from height & eye colour).

    One level 3 buddy for example has optimised everything from his everyday body language, to the way he walks, talks (vocal tone & speed), social skills, confidence, social strategy /Machiavellianism, style, diet & physique, and business/ money. He is supremely devoted self development and hard work.

    To someone who doesn’t know his story he would appear to be a natural. It’s not the case however, and simply great work ethic combined with decent enough genetics that when given enough push achieves that level 3 state.

    I feel that this is great news for guys like us as not only is it within our control but as long as we find the right “recipe” for us and work on it, we aren’t that far off with small tweaks and work.

    1. Hey, thanks for the comment. The Levels are mostly referring to physical looks. The immediate heart flutter that a guy gets when he looks at a gorgeous girl and the nervousness a girl gets when a Level 3 talks to her. But, yes, it’s not all about looks. Overpowering confidence is also sensed by women and Level 3s have this, and it’s achievable by Level 1 or 2. Your buddy is not normal. He makes up probably the 0.1% of the population that he deeply improved numerous facets of his life.

  2. I know I’m a little late to the comments but if you see this I want to say thank you! As a single mom who struggles to find anybody interested in me this really opens my eyes! I’ve never been told anything like this about men and it gives a different perspective to my experience…I’m probably a level 2. Again thank you for this article!!

    1. Not at all, welcome to the party and thanks for the nice comment! I’m curious, will the article motivate you to make any changes in your dating life?

  3. Oh how benevolent of you to include the trans community. I’m sure every transgendered WOMAN would love to hear you compare them to an over-eager “level 1”.

    Lemme give it to you – SEO ON POINT. (probs how your blog was found by the reddit community)
    Grammar, spelling, practical flow of sentences leaves much to be imagined.

    Have you considered that you may be a level 1 man? By your own admission you are doing the majority of the pursuing, “the vast, vast, vast majority of women I pursue are simply uninterested. The only reason why this isn’t tremendously sad is that I believe it’s common. Level Two men, can you confirm this in the comments?” Excited about the comments!

    Has it crossed your mind that women are simply uninterested in being pursued by yourself? That your travels, adventures, and “daygame” (my new favorite portmanteau) cannot cover for the fact that you are so unappealing as a human that people simply do not want to interact with you? You send out ~100 messages to receive 20-30 in return – that’s 20-30% lower than a failing grade. Your branding and ticker tape lower-third surely indicate a “level” of desperation I have yet to meet in the real world.

    If I may condense your quandaries into a succinct statement; you continuously do the same thing, see no profits, and ponder why women are uninterested?

    The answer is you. You are what women are uninterested in.

    1. I think you mean level 3? Because I have a feeling you’re not giving me a compliment here lol

      1. Agree! This is my response to poster:

        “I must live in a whole different universe maybe bc i am not interested in looks ive dated all kinds– but also get turned off when I get to know coworkers and acquaintances for whom that is all that seems important or drives them.
        Looks fade and people age– i wouldnt want to date a shallow man.

        I am Christian and i agree with trans– maybe it is you. Maybe judging / categorizing others is what people sense from you. (You limit people by limiting others also). People dont belong in categories. Id date the trans for having self respect to reject being categorized; they would be more valuable than a ” 3″ just for that. Trans dont belong in 1 just as so called ” ugly” dont–(& who who determines that? — you just put most the guys i respect: intellectuals, scientists, professors, good samaritans, but also humble craftsmen, blue collar workers, cops, firemen into that category)Decency turns me on. Get outside your boxes. Homeless men have had more integrity to me than suits.

        Yes, there are superficial people who fawn over outwardly attractive society– that is so high school. Most people grow up and want intelligence, creativity, kindness, empathy, faithfulness, compassion, respect, and caring. I want more from a boyfriend or partner than body or face bc any of those things can be destroyed with an accident or stroke –& are only skin deep.

        If you cant find hidden treasures in people then maybe that is sign that maybe you should. Maybe stop thinking of yourself as a 2 and know you are no lesser than anybody else and no greater. But neither are all those you dismiss either.

        Ive been pursued by men of all kinds and some i didnt have chemistry with, but with time chemistry grew. Likewise, a man who was supermodel gorgeous and charming became abusive, cheating — so what is 3 on your list is not high on most of ours.

        When men focus on our looks(& women sometimes fall into trap of making themselves all about the outer self– but that can hurt them in long run bc what you attract is what you end up getting!!— men for whom that is most important thing), it is hard to know who really likes you for who you are inside. It also makes some women so insecure bc then they fear losing their looks or competition or losing a man.

        Women have intuition,& if we get a vibe that a man is in constant pursuit ( doesnt matter the superficial category), that feels creepy— feels like they dont want any particular person. They just want somebody, anybody. I dont know anybody who wants to be somebody’s any body

        1. You must be single and butthurt that he called you out. I hope you do get some self improvement because you just sound rude and unappealing in general. Id rather have lunch with the author than to ever have to read anything you have to say ever again hahaha. Your entire comment was about how he called you out.

  4. Nah. Nope, no compliments – here are your words, “Level One are the ugliest of men, physically speaking. The men who simply got unlucky with regards to physical genetics. They’re just ugly. We all have our strong and weak attributes and for this class, attractiveness is a very weak attribute. 25% of men fall into this Level.
    So, yes. Level One, or excuse my copywriting faux pas, level 1.

  5. I am probably old enough to be your mother (I am 56) but I think, on the surface at least, I do agree with what you said here. Perhaps it is just ME, but I would say (based on your Instagram feed) that you are a lot closer to “very attractive” than average but, like most things, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think what a person values (whether it be physical attraction, intelligence, wealth, or some other “thing” is going to be what drives our pursuits (whether being the one making the effort or the one being pursued). Relationships are complex and it is not always easy to know what lies beneath the surface, and so people rely on what they can see (physical attractiveness, wealth, or an engaging conversation). Most women can sense when a guy is confident in who he is. I have learned over many years to rely on how someone makes me FEEL (aka. ‘my gut’), but this knowledge has taken a long time. Most people have very low emotional intelligence and easily project their ‘hopes’ about a relationship onto others, rather than just be who they really are. Confident people generate a huge amount of positive energy which creates a comfortable ‘vibe’ that can quickly and easily attract others who might be considered “out of their league” so to speak. I truly believe that people who love living their own lives and are willing to ‘put themselves out there’ (without expectations) will attract others like bees to honey. The challenge then becomes to allow time to reveal the intentions of the other……….this requires a good level of self awareness, which I believe that many people never seem to learn to cultivate.

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts “mom” 🙂 I love hearing from a wide range of readers. Please read my newest blog post “Dating Advice For Women”, I think you’re going to enjoy it!

  6. From my experience I agree completely with this. It also makes me realize that my interactions in the everyday I have with guys could be a sign of interest and I just didn’t know it. I’ve been told I am intimidating a lot of times, I guess I need to focus on making sure every interaction is positive so that I at least get many more friends and experiences. I tend to be the woman that lets the man lead in the pursuing, but if I notice a bit of insecurity I will try and give a genuine compliment about their personality to show that I am interested in them behind the surface level. I ended up marrying that guy so I guess you could say it worked!

  7. Danny, this article was beyond excellent and so true. I have a level 3 buddy where girls would interrupt a group of us guys to talk to him and breakup the conversation. Gorgeous girls who would just want him. It was amazing to witness bc he did nothing. Happened in college and after, if he went out, girls approached him ALL the time. Never saw it happen to any other guy I know. On another note, women do think making themselves available to men or looking at them is a move. It isnt, it requires no work. I never liked dating bc I did ALL the work and it was exhausting so I liked getting to the GF phase bc it got easier. Girls love dating bc they are approached, guy plans date, guy plans where, guy plans what to say, women just show up…..dating would be great if we hadit that way. Lastly, my biggest regret was in HS when a girl approached me as a freshman and asked for my number and called me and was interested. I was too immature to date yet but i always remember how amazingly awesome it felt to be approached, how bold it was and I wish I could tell her now. Only time in my life I was ever approached.

    1. Wow, Jim! You’ve just reminded me of one of my craziest and saddest stories EVER! Not only was I approached by a girl, but I was pursued! She called me. Twice. Said she saw me in the gym and liked me. I was so nervous and awkward that both times I told her I was busy and would call her back and never did because somehow I lost her phone number. And that would’ve been my FIRST and ONLY experience. Instead that was delayed by two years (when I finally met my first girlfriend).

      Yes, women have the beginning part of dating easy. In addition to what you said, they also don’t have to worry about sending any messages. The guy must do this. And they are free to flake on the first date with near-zero consequences.

      However, I disagree with one part. Looking at a man is a move and it does require work. At least for me, looking at a woman for an extended period fo time and communicating my interest, it takes some skill. Add on top of that a smile and it’s skillful work. Anyways, thanks for the comment.

  8. I have no idea what ‘level’ I am (1? / 2?) – it doesn’t matter because I always expect romantic rejection from women (there is no evidence that it will not always happen) so I don’t invite it – why would I? Women signal men they find attractive to approach / pursue them, and for men like me, approaching any woman is by default unwanted, irrespective of our intention. No woman has ever signalled to me to approach, so I have never done so, even though I find some women very attractive. Women would as a matter of course be offended were I to express romantic / sexual interest.

    1. Hey, Paul – Let me be very clear with two things. Most importantly, you’re very, very wrong about women signaling men to approach. They sometimes so this, but it’s very much the exception than the rule. Secondly, most men think what you wrote. Please get in the mindset that you have to do 100% of the work. You have to approach. You have to teach the woman how great of a man you are and how much of a value add you’d be to her. It’s hard as hell. Literally, one of the most difficult things you’ll ever do. But it is what it is. By the way, if you don’t feel she’d be lucky to have you in her life, then you need to work on you. From you comment, that seems likely as you’re lacking self-confidence. Please read this article about approach anxiety: https://dannybooboo.com/how-overcome-approach-anxiety-channel/

  9. I really enjoyed this article. I’m actually in this situation now. Where this guy is say a level 2 and in some cases a 3. Hung out (known him for a while) then didn’t hear anything from him. I texted a few times. He responded but it was one word answers and short. So I took it as ok, his busy. I won’t bug him. (Honestly in my mind he was playing games and wasnt interested because the next day pasted that he didn’t have anything to do, and no one wanted to meet up. I thought to myself well you did kiss me why didn’t you text me to see if I was available to hangout. But I didn’t want to come acrossed as a nagging girl. Then 3 days later he messages me on Instagram “do you miss me”. By this time I’ve deleted him from my phone, Instagram and Facebook. Not to be petty just the genuine feeling he wasn’t interested. And I’m not a person who will bug somebody for attention. If i get the impression your not interested or kinda blow me off then I leave. Not because I think I’m better, or attractive it’s more of ok not wasting your time or mine. So after he messages me we get into a little heated conversation why “ women never purse him. Ask him to do things. Why does he have to be the first to text or call”. ? But when you text 1 word answers. Or never respond! How am I supposed to take it? I told him well, your 1 word answers gave me the impression, not interested or busy. All in which you had to say. His come back was well I’m busy!! WELL dude make up ur mind. If you want to be pursed, then learn to communicate that. Or shit and get off the pot. Because ant no one got time for the head games. I texted first! I made the effort and got ignored. I’m not going to continue to play pointless game.

    Am I over reacting?

    1. Hey, Kristina – No, you’re not overreacting. And, no, he’s not interested. At least not overly interested or interested like you are. It’s tremendously easy for a girl IF the guy is interested. If it doesn’t feel easy, you can be sure why not. There’s one other thing. Your two styles of communication could just be different. I’m dating a girl now and we have horrendous communication just because the way I communicate and the way she communicates are diametrically opposed. There’s constant friction and miscommunication. I pointed this out early on and after 5 weeks it’s still not fixed. That could be what you’re going through with this guy, but my guess is not. The text he sent is probably one that he sends to numerous girls fyi.

  10. On a normal day I’m level two and when on point, level three. Some days I feel like a level one. I walk the walk and talk the talk. Just got out of a long term relationship a few months ago, had a girl in my inbox right after, and had me over within a couple days to have some fun. People often pick me up and take me or have me over whether guy or girl. I’ve been out dancing by myself while at a club and a girl just came up and kissed me. Girls will dance with me even though I’m by myself. No cheerleader effect. Some times they pursue and other times I pursue. I dont have a super optimized life and my bands aren’t huge, but I’m handsome enough with a good build, and pretty confident. I love to communicate. For instance with this other girl who jumped in my inbox- we have been texting and told her I wanted to send her voice messages. Would she respond in kind? She says “of course” then follows up with saying she’d like me over soon to watch a movie, eat some popcorn, laugh, and talk. After she initiates the voice message saying “unless that is moving to quickly” to gauge my reaction. Of course I responded with excitement to go see her. Now it is straight voice messages. She says she likes horror and I’m scared of those, but by being vulnerable and showing I’m not bullet proof and can take the piss out out of myself it makes her more comfortable. Told her I’ll have to cover my face the whole time and she responds that she will cuddle me. I think a lot of it is that I work a full time job, go to school full time, have a group of friends, go out to places, and do things. Not the most handsome lad, but surely a dapper Dan given the correct circumstances. Also, if a woman doesn’t respond amicably I just block her and move on. I ain’t got no time to waste on women who aren’t with the hype train. I’m taking a trip to Jamaica for my birthday and been to quite a few countries. What do you think Danny? Do I got an inflated ego or am I onto something?

    1. Interesting comment. At first I was going to say you’re not a Level three guy but you followed up with things that maybe convinced me otherwise. Essentially, an L3 is always an L3, and more about facial features (strong jawline, nice hair, smooth skin, good facial symmetry). Height is also highly important, even more important. You would have to be at a minimum 180cm / 5’11”. For any girl to pursue means you’re def handsome. What do these girls looks like? I don’t know. Probably they’re somewhat average. It doens’t matter so much, though, as a pusuing girl is rare no matter what so you’ve def got something. And to invite you over, that’s quite aggressive for a girl espeicaly right off the bat. You’re going to clubs solo and dancing so you’re either a good dancer and/or confident. Ya, sounds like you’re going to be attracting girls for a couple more decades. My best friend is Jamaican, been meaning to get out there. Have fun

  11. Spot on. Two here. I normally wouldn’t mind doing the pursuing if everyday I wasn’t bombarded with how unequal things are (allegedly) between men and women. Where’s the equality in dating? Yeah, it doesn’t exist. When I think about how hard I’ve worked to be a good person with a comfortable life, I cringe at the thought of me chasing someone down to like me.

    A good friend of mine is a 3 guy and I have witnessed the astounding difference in how he is treated compared to me. It is unbelievable. I mean I get it, but man is it a reality check. There are the rare few Twos that have a dominant personality that can attract like a Three. That’s a sight to behold as well. Very rare though.

    My pride will leave me alone forever at how unbalanced dating is .

    1. Hey, two. I’m also two. Man, so true..I’m wondering if I wrote this comment myself! I agree totally. There’s one thing I think you left out, based on your comment I think you’ll agree: I/you bring so much more to the table than the girl we’re pursuing. I never easily attracted girls. I’ve worked on myself so much over the years that I consider myself a very complete human (good person with a comfy life, as you said). I’m a confident man. I really believe any girl would be lucky to have me in her life. Unfortunately, they don’t see it that way up front. For those that eventually do see it, at that point their value has decreased in my eyes because there’s not much behind the good looks. At the end of the day, I’m pursuing because I’m a man and have needs and that’s how it works, while knowing that the girl I’m pursuing might be physically attractive, but average in so many other ways. On the other hand, I met some guy in Brasil who is a 3. Gets automatic attention from girls based on his looks. Then girls complain guys are players lol – just a result of the system. I’d peg about 10-15% of guys have sex with the majority of available and attractive women.

  12. interesting read.

    as a woman who i imagine falls somewhere around the 2.5 tier of female beauty (not quite supermodel status but certainly above average looks), I can get behind a lot of the psychology that you have laid out about women and us having different standards we accept from differently tiered men.

    that said, to add my own perspective a bit- i do believe it is biologically the role of men to be the pursuers, yet as women we have to be the inviters.

    i find for myself, distinguishing the difference has often felt confusing but recently i realized that giving my number to a guy is not me pursuing him- it is welcoming HIM to pursue ME.

    i wont be texting him or asking him out, but ill respond and engage and agree to go out if the conversation is organically fluid and interesting enough for me to take the time to get to know him more.

    all too often, while i can agree with you that generally speaking men have to expend a lot of energy to get women, i also find that most men put little effort into the individual herself. For example, i would never ever not in a million years respond to a social media or dating site’s message of a simple “hi.”

    to me, that lacks creativity and intrigue, and I dont have the time or interest to be the sole entertainer/conversationalist.

    similarly, i far prefer a guy give me their number than demand mine. i find that to be more respectful and less pressure-y, because to be honest, for as many times as men pursue countless women in these fast pick up ways, women are also bombarded with men doing this to them, and frankly, its annoying, and it leaves some women to respond in less than kind ways, while others, like myself, struggle with how to still be kind while still being clear that it is a no.

    1. Your female perspective is highly welcomed! Thanks for the thoughtful comment. (In fact, I hope you’ll go by my YouTube and watch my last three videos, I could use your perspective there.) I want to clarify, and agree with you, that the point of this article is not in favor of women pursuing men. It’s in helping women make it easier for the men they prefer to pursuee them. A lot of men, like women, are shy. However, it’s a death sentence for a guys dating life.

  13. While I see where you’re coming from I would hold myself to be a level two woman who has had plenty of all three levels of men interested in me. I personally would rather initiate and pursue for the fact that I feel like the men who come on strong come on strong to every girl and it is less than flattering.

    For a long time I would only take interest in men who were a level 3 and found that I would end up more invested and interested in them after the first few dates. However recently I started to be open to level two men and I am finding it is much more of an equal give and take. Which is beautiful and peaceful and if you’re too shallow to be with someone who you don’t find attractive enough, well then you are missing out. You sound well rounded. Maybe you should look for a partner who matches your intellect…

    Also, being open minded is a good quality. Don’t assume shit. It makes you look like an ass. Arrogance isn’t flattering on a man or woman.

    1. Thanks for the comment! In general, looks are less important to a woman and more important to a man.

  14. I read your article on Setting The Record Straight: Men Pursue Women. Women Are Pursued. And I noticed you called yourself a level 2 man. I had to look at your Instagram… and…I’m sorry but you are not “average” maybe you are in your area but where I’m from you would be a top tier piece of ass 😂
    I guess it’s just a matter of perspective and location.
    Have a good day.

    1. haha thanks, but I’m reminded on a weekly, sometimes daily basis from women who I’m pursuing that they’re simply not interested

  15. I’m a zero on your scale on one to three. I have no problem talking to women and as such, have many women friends. But I see other guys and know that I can’t compete with them where being sexually attractive to women is concerned. Whatever other guys have that makes them women want them sexually I don’t – and can never – have, so there is zero point in approaching. My women friends tell me this is just my lack of confidence and that lots of women are interested in me – I just need to actually express my interest to women I like. I look around but honestly *never see any* evidence that any woman is interested in me – I am not even on the radar. I am not about to waste my time and energy putting myself out there when rejection or -likely – worse is guaranteed.

    1. hey man, let me let you in on a little secret. I also don’t get any interest from girls. I create it 100%. It doesn’t matter if a girl notices me because she’s not the one approaching me. It only matters if I notice her, and I decide to take action. If I never took action, I’d be writing this comment instead of you. Girls who are even interested will go out of their way to NOT appear interested.

      1. Hi Danny – that’s what I meant – I’m not able to “create it”. Other guys can but I’m totally unable to do whatever it is guys do to make a woman interested in them. I can talk and laugh and chat with women for hours but nothing ever happens – I literally never get a sense that she’s interested in me at all other than to talk to at that moment, and certainly not sexually / romantically. And no I don’t try to escalate because it will be a complete failure every time and I’d likely get into trouble – which is what happens when fundamentally unattractive guys like me express interest in women.

  16. The issue I have with this article is that it’s written with the male gaze (understandably, as you have identified as a man.) It’s assumed that women look at men the same way that men look at women and that’s actually not the case. When we look at movies, TV shows, magazines, etc., they’re so often headed by men that women are portrayed as men would like with focuses on physical features. While some women care about the physical, it’s actually not indicative of what’s important to the female gender as a whole.

    So you can’t really apply the logic of it all to women, because it doesn’t work that way. Women don’t “settle” with someone less attractive just because it’s comfortable…it’s because many of us literally just don’t care in the same way that men care about appearance (or are conditioned by the media to think they care about appearance). If you’re interested in learning about it, Google “female gaze” or “male gaze in media” and read some women’s studies theory. It’s quite interesting.

    1. Hey, thanks for the comment. Well, men have been attracted to the physical since before media was a thing, so you’ll have a hard time proving that one out. Regarding the rest of your comment, I’m a little bit lost. Can you quote things I said and respond to them, I think there might be a miscommunication on my part because I think I agree with everything you said.

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  18. I have had extremely limited social interaction in general throughout my life. I’ve literally never been invited to a party or other social event. Even when I was a child, I was the only kid in the class who never got invited to birthday parties. That was upsetting but it was what it was. I wasn’t bullied or bothered by anyone – others simply didn’t (and mostly still don’t) interact with me. I’m not blaming anyone – but I honestly have no idea why I have always been invisible, and nobody (including therapists) has given me a reason either. I have many hobbies (including climbing waterfalls, hiking and cooking), am well travelled (86 countries) and speak seven languages. The few friends I have (including some women) tell me I am one of the most interesting people they know. I have never asked a woman out because it is crystal clear that the answer would be an immediate unqualified no – I can’t attract any woman sexually so it’s pretty much guaranteed I’ll always be rejected. Any thoughts?

    1. Yes. Lots of thoughts. First, I want you to go run a 5-minute mile. Now! Oh, you couldn’t do it? Damn. Ok. How about giving a speech in front of 500 people. Go! Not good? Ok. So you failed twice in a row on activities that you have no experience in. Why don’t you apply this logic to approaching a girl? Yes, you will fail. You will miserably fail. Women will be total bitches to you in your attempts, some won’t even look at you. I’m talking from experience. But one day you’ll realize. You’ll realize that it’s them who are missing out. Not you. And if you can learn the skill of interacting (by which some girls will naturally be attracted) then you will lead a winning life. Whereas the girls who rejected you, hopefully, will get lucky in who they choose with their faulty methods. You said so yourself at the beginning of your comment: “extremely limited social interaction”. It’s common for people to say ‘oh, i didn’t say hi to him because they didn’t say hi to me’ blah blah blah. Fuck that. It’s your duty. And it becomes a superpower. It probably started when your parents babied you too much as a child. I’d guess they’re introverts, too. That was compounded over what sounds like decades to what seems like an impassable mountain in front of you (talking to an attractive girl which will undoubtedly lead to failure). You’re the man. You approach. You make things happen. Period. PS 7 languages! damn bro. Do you have a book? I’m still trying to get to full fluency in 1.

  19. Hi
    I randomly came across your article and I found it really disturbing.

    I am a 31 year old female who refuses to be categorised within a level because I believe attractiveness is not purely defined by physical appearance. I am often pursued by men and can honestly say that looks play very little part in whether I would want to continue a conversation with that person or not.

    The truth is that looks only take you so far, and that is why things rarely progress after an initial meeting for most men, because alot of men (regardless of what level you feel they belong to) act in a way that women find uncomfortable. Potentially you need to look at the way you are behaving if you are finding yourself constantly chasing women who are uninterested in you. Looks will only get you so far and ultimately it is your personality and traits that will lead to something more.

    I also have a huge issue with you noting that level one women would pursue men (and specifically stating trans women? Which I found to be a very strange comment!).
    It just sounds like you’re pride is hurt that women don’t hit on you and it’s a little weird honestly.

    1. Hey Ana – First, I truly value those different opinions that help me gain a greater perspective so thanks for taking the time to write the comment. I’ll have to reread my post and probably clarify about the level one thing, that doesn’t sound right. Looks only get you so far, correct. But, can’t I have both? Looks and personality? Is that too much to ask?

  20. I guess you must be incredibly lucky, Danny. I have many women friends whom I love spending time with. Even though sometimes I really want to, I never express romantic interest in them (or any other woman) no matter what. Some of these friends have cut me off and unhappily asked why I didn’t ‘make a move’ when they tried giving me signals that they wanted more than friendship. My answer is that no sign of interest from a woman could be sufficient for me to express my desire in her. The fact is, partly due to mainstream media programming, some women are downright hostile towards a move by any man and, just looking at her can have a man deprived of his liberty if she reports him for “sexual assault / attempted rape”. I have no idea who is part of this minority of women – some hide this side of themselves very well, so I am not about to look for / act on what are *always* vague ‘signals.

    1. hmm. I’m not sure if I believe in luck, but I think people may agree with you that I’m lucky. Thank you. As for the rest of your comment, I think I agree. It’s a bit hard to follow. I don’t look for signs from women to approach. I approach. Sometimes they’re rude. Most of the time they’re neutral. Sometimes they’re receptive. But, at a minimum, I try to give a women who I find interesting an opportunity to know me. Dating is hard. Men are expected to put 100% effort in at the beginning and when they make a mistake, you’re right, it could be really bad for them. And these vague signs that women give, oftentimes are deceptive. They’re trying to make someone jealous, they’re trying to get you in trouble, etc. It’s an unavoidable road that must be travelled filled with traps and deadends.

  21. The fact is, it’s not worth trying to talk to a woman because many (certainly not all) of them automatically assume an unattractive man is a creep no matter how well dressed he is or how he speaks to her. We literally don’t get a chance to introduce ourselves before a woman we’d maybe like to get to know turns and walks away from us – or a lot worse. As such, the only option for him is to keep all his interactions with women 100% professional and to never express interest in them, no matter how strong his attraction may be. He should keep his feelings to himself at all times, otherwise he risks being accused of a crime.

    1. Hey Pete – sounds like you’re in the USA. Trust me, I can and do relate on a frequent basis. I recommend you take a trip to Colombia or Asia. Sounds like you could use one to reset your self-worth in the dating market.

  22. Interesting article Danny. Thank you for pointing out that men are humans too (with feelings!), and that it also takes effort by you guys to approach us women. I didn’t read through all the comments, but I feel like perhaps, this whole debate about women is reduced a lot to looks only? I get it, ‘Level 3’ men might have it easier, but to be honest, ‘Level 3’ men make me suspicious, because they tend to play around a lot, and you can’t rely on them. So speaking as someone that’s beyond the one-night stand game, I personally keep away from guys that look ‘too attractive’.
    You know the funny thing is, I ended here after reading your article on Airbnbs in Colombia on the Medellin Guru, and I thought to myself (before seeing this article!), if I come across this person in Medellin, I’d love to have a conversation – not based on (your) looks, but based on your profile. So what I’m saying is that, honestly, I think looks might be less important than men think.

    1. Hi, Susanne! Thanks for the great comment and I hope you’ll say hi if you see me. I’m the gringo on the white scooter. And I’m tremendously interesting 🙂 Regarding looks. I agree, it’s not the only factor. But, it is very important and as a jumping factor, even more so. But there are other things below the surface like confidence. For example, an attractive but awkward and unconfident man will be less desirable than an average guy with uber confidence. An attractive, awkard, and unconfident girl will be more attractive than an average and confident girl (though the average and confident girl could get with the attractive guy because she’s more likely to make it easier for him to talk to her).

      1. Danny, you’re right, confidence and self-respect can actually turn a so-so appearance into something very attractive. It’s a very interesting discussion. Will be looking for the white scooter then! 🙂

  23. I do not approach women no matter how attracted I am because I am not willing to be accused of harassment. I do not show interest in women for the same reason. Since no woman shows interest in me either, I am doomed to remain alone.

    1. Yes. That or end up with someone who you’re not interested in, but instead is available. Unfortunately, while I understand your mindset, I don’t feel sorry for you. It’s the world in which we live. There are pro’s and con’s to everything.

      1. I wasn’t asking for – nor do I expect( (or even want) – you or anyone to feel sorry for me – that was not the point of my comment. I don’t blame women for accusing men of harassment – the behaviour of many is awful. I have many women friends who enjoy my company and I theirs, but I never express sexual interest in them or any other woman, no matter how strong it is, because it is clear that it is never desired and as such would not be welcome. And I have yet to meet any woman who has indicated (or shown any sign) that she is / might be “available” for me.

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