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This blog will teach my strategy about how to meet women at the gym plus how to make friends in general.
If you want my cheat sheet of gym-appropriate pickup lines and conversations starters, send me a a $100 coffee above, then email me.
About three years ago I decided to move cities every month. This has caused the need for me to make friends much quicker, more efficiently, and in a wider selection of venues than otherwise needed. Because of this, I’ve created a process to meet both women and friends in the gym environment.
Update: this has the bonus effect of increasing my motivation to go to the gym. Because of the social aspect, I more look forward to going to the gym.
It’s common to hear from someone that they don’t want to meet people at the gym, usually in reference to meeting lovers. “I don’t want to shit where I eat!” This makes 0% sense to me and I think is more associated with intimidation. I specifically want to meet people in a gym environment who share a similar mindset as me in the most important aspect of my life: health.
Our goal is two-fold:
First, visit a few nearby gyms at the time you will normally go to the gym. This accomplishes three things:
Bonus, it’s not uncommon the gyms will have a female trainer show you around. Maybe even it’s a strategy as it seems to happen more often than not. Regardless, you should befriend her as the first person you know at the gym or, if the vibes are right, you can make some bold comments to find out her reactions/interest level.
Be friendly looking (smile) and say hello to everyone. A simple ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’ is fine at the initial stages (this is important. Say ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’ to anyone, especially an attractive girl, nearby you and whenever the opportunity arises/when you first enter the gym and walk to your first exercise).
But, do this to everyone. Especially when you are walking around in the beginning and getting familiar with the gym, make eye contact and smile at a minimum. Don’t look lost or confused as you might in a new environment if you’re not cognizant. You’ll be surprised at how often this turns into a conversation.
Fodder for those conversations can be you comparing/contrasting your experience at other gyms (for example, in Australia, all gyms allowed you to choose the music or in Estonia, none of the gyms had water fountains and all the dumbbells were on the ground where it took you 5 minutes to locate two matching dumbbells).
First, make friends with the receptionist, trainers, and maintenance folks. Get on a first name basis with them. For trainers, you can simply go up and introduce yourself by saying that you are new to the gym and wanted to introduce yourself. Half the trainers will be dicks and non-responsive, half will be friendly.
Next, make friends with regulars (men), less attractive/older women, and gay men.
Finally, you can approach more attractive women. For the hotter girls, you want to be seen as the social guy. The guy who entered the gym and all of a sudden has many friends. This will make her more receptive to you when you approach. Also, you won’t feel like a creep only approaching the hot girl.New gym strategy: befriend the receptionist, the trainers, the cleaning staff, the gay men, the regulars. Click To Tweet
It boils down to engaging them in conversation and allowing them to allow you to engage them in conversation. It is 100% your responsibility.* You make the initial step and gauge how interested they are with their reaction. Here’s what I do:
*As an aside, it’s 100% on you to make conversation. If you’ve ever had this thought (I have many times!) “why do I have to always say hello? Why don’t they say hello to me?” Well, two things: One, you’re boring and they’re not interested in saying hi to you. Trust me, they say hi to some people, you’re not one for this reason. Two, you can stick with this mindset and put your life/happiness/friendships in other people’s hands or you can take initiative.
If you smile and she smiles back, the likelihood of a successful conversation is high. This is a non-verbal opener and is powerful as it telegraphs the success of a future interaction. With the really attractive women, they seem to be aloof most of the time, in their own world and uninterested in meeting anyone, so while walking past I usually stare at them and give them a big smile when they look which oftentimes doesn’t happen until I give a big smile anyways.Don't forget about non-verbal openers: a smile. Click To Tweet
Don’t worry so much about having to meet the hot gym girl. Unless she’s absurdly hot and the only hot one in the gym, she probably doesn’t even know it. Remember, making a female friend is just as good, if not better than forming a romantic relationship with a gym girl. Most girls can’t judge their attractiveness, or they’re self-conscious or both. The value of making female friends and those females coming up to you to say hello is priceless when it comes to increasing your social value in the eyes of women and men at the gym.
For reference, here are some ways I’ve created the initial spark to friendship or more:
Don’t overcomplicate this. It’s easier than you think. Your only responsibility is to create the beginning part of the interaction. A question. A statement. A smile. Everything else works itself out.
Some people will be receptive, some will not. A few will be rude. Everyone is in their own world and some of them notice you but are too shy to say anything. They want to meet you. All you need to do is let them know you’re normal and friendly.
The lazy way to create an easy avenue for the initial conversation is to simply use the machines that girls tend to use. They would be:
If you’re interested in a girl, one thing you should be doing is always trying to find commonalities or things she’s interested in (that you are, too). That way you can easily exchange information with a future meeting already in the works. For example, if you find out that she likes kayaking, and you do too, this is a great segway into meeting outside the gym. Or, it could be a hike, a wine bar, coffee…these are things that almost everyone likes.
If the conversation flows well then you can ask for her number or contact information at the end of the first conversation. As a general rule, anything longer than 5 minutes means she’s interested to share her contact info.
Otherwise, if the conversation is fragmented throughout a workout go up to her when you’re about to leave. Say “Hey, I usually don’t come at this time so we may not meet again but you seem pretty cool and I’d like to stay in contact.” Even if you do go to the gym at the same time, it doesn’t matter. She probably doesn’t.
If you are confident and can handle rejection, you can go with a direct approach. That is, go up to her and get directly to the point of why you’re talking to her.
You might say: Hey, I know I’m not supposed to do this, but I’ve noticed you a few times and decided to come say hello today. I’m Danny.
That’s as about as direct as you want to go. I would avoid a physical compliment like ‘you’re the most gorgeous girl in here’. I would 100% of the time always avoid a specific physical compliment like ‘you have sexy legs.’
I don’t do this often, but the last time I can remember doing this was in Medellin, Colombia at Smart Fit. She was training with a friend which made it a bit more stressful for me, but it went very well. We chatted for a very short while until I suggested we exchange numbers so she can get back to her workout. We actually meet later that evening or the next.
Have you ever met a woman at the gym? A friend? How did you do it? I’m especially interested to hear from my female readers.