The Trial

“Sexual attraction is nothuing more than an evolved emotional response notifying ys that a particular individual would be a good candidate to pass on our genes with.” (p. 17)

Welcome to my book review and summary of The Trial – Transform Your Dating Life by Avery Hayden coming soon!

“..you can expect to get rejected some of the time, but at the same time if you never try, you’re rejecting yourself.” (p. 60)

I’ve finished reading The Trial by Avery Hayden.

booboo real-time book rating: ★★★★★ (percentage of books with this rating: 6%)

No idea how I found this book, but it’s not bad! The first third serves as a kind of motivational speech

Is Learning to Pickup Women Ok?

I know that it is, but I struggle sometimes to verbalize why. In our feminized culture, the non-natural, non-alpha, non-socially-calibrated male is fighting an intensely uphill battle to meet the girl of his dreams. All men have a least some of those characteristics in their life. And with the interviews over the years, vilifying the men who have publicly shared their pickup skills, it’s no wonder men feel like creeps and wierdo’s for doing the single most natural and necessary thing in the history of the species.

If you don’t have women in your life, the world looks a lot different. You are likely depressed and lonely. It’s “incredibly painful. It’s a feeling that we are willing to do anything to overcome.” (p. 10) I find that it’s all working – you’ve got a $500 per night Airbnb and easy guests and no problems – or nothing is working – you’ve got a $75 Airbnb with bad guests and constant problems. Men will trap themselves in this mental prison and the longer they do it, the harder it is to break out. Pick-up is “a path towards self-acceptance, personal growth, and psychological freedom.” (p. 8)

The interesting thing about pickup is that although the initial aim is to have sex with a beautiful woman, the real gain comes from facing your fears and insecurities, and the self-growth and confidence needed in order to achieve that goal. The path becomes much more valuable than the finish line.

“It’s not the having, it’s the getting.” – Elizabeth Taylor

High-status Behaviors

“For women, a man’s physical fitness, height, and other physical features do trigger sexual attraction because they signal good reproductive health. however, women are much more responsive to behavioral evidence of reproductive value.” (p. 16)

Behavoiral psychology says that men feel nervous about approaching a women because we evolved to feat being ostricized or killed by the high-status alpha male of the group who would undoubtedly find out about your failed advance in a tribe of 50 to 150 humans. High-status males offered the best chances of survival to their offspring so women have evolved to be most attracted to status, but there’s a problem and an opportunity. There were no mansions or ferrari’s back then, so those are of little importance and why you hear a millionare say that he needs a few more million to be successful with women while the bartender making minium wage is doing great with super models. The opportunity? While men usually chase status through fame, money and objects, this is inefficient because external status symbols didn’t exist where we came from. You need to develop, and anyone can, emotional signals of status because they can’t be faked. High status emotional signals, like confidence, couldn’t be fakes by low status males because of the risks and certainly of being found out. In the modern world, acting confidently, is risk-free behavior.

“..women evolved to respond tp the emotional signals of status, because they couldn’t be faked.” (p. 17)

Building Confidence

“..building confidence is challenging because it requires you to overcome a primal resistance to confident behaviors that evolved to prevent you from getting yourself killed. Confidence is the most powerful honest signal to develop, because if you act confidently you are signaling that you are high status, and if you are high-status you have high reproductive value, and high reproductive value automatically triggers attraction.” (p. 17) Women have developed to respond to honest signals because they are evidence of good genes that cannot be faked.

Set the frame in an approach by saying, “I bet you don’t meet someone like me every day.” It will create intrigue and interest on her end.

Building Social Momentum

1. Don’t discriminate. Talk to any woman (or man), they do not need to be attractive. Flirt with all women, it’s fun.
2. Don’t hesitate. Go immediately from one interaction to the next, without using your friend group as a crutch. This will keep the momentum.
3. Escalate over time. Start by asking how their night is going (indirect), then give a non-phyiscal compliment (more direct), then ask to dance.

Powerful Quotes

“The pain of inaction is toxic, but the pain of change is healing.” (p. 16)

“Find the humor in each approach. Realize the if you got butthurt it’s actually pretty funny that you would take yourself so seriously. Each time you find the humor in emotional pain, you’ll free yourself from ta little bit more of your ego.” (p. 41)

“The most common type of excuses are called rationalizations.” (p. 20)

“..I felt a bit discouraged, and I wandered around for a while before approaching another girl because I wansn’t able to find what I did funny. I was taking myself far too seriously.” (p. 50)

Did you know I’m an author? I wrote four books on real estate investing, travel, and language learning.

Date Started: Saturday, January 22, 2022

Date Finished: Wednesday, May 7, 2025 (1,201 days)